You control-he doesn’t react a simple example: you’ve just read a book that you really liked, so you suggest your man reading it, but he doesn’t seem to show any interest in it

You control-he doesn’t react

A simple example: you’ve just read a book that you really liked, so you suggest your man reading it, but he doesn’t seem to show any interest in it. So you naturally feel hurt and angry he didn’t pay any attention to your suggestions (that is you). If you look at this situation from one side of view, it seems really normal to reproach him for paying no attention to what made you so excited. He could at least ask you what was so interesting about the book that made you so euphoric.

But let’s look a bit deeper. Maybe this book is only one piece of the puzzle that consists of your daily critic, requests, regular efforts to change your partner and influence in various ways. The more you think of it, you notice that he not only must read the book you liked, but also like the same food you like, organize his clothes the way you do, change his way of talking,  share the same opinion on all the matters, communicate with his parents the way you do with yours. There appear a number of things that you think he needs to change. This way your partner acquires a fear to “lose himself”; he thinks you want to make him a totally different person. He might feel unconfident about himself and even guilty that he doesn’t justify your expectations. In this case his indifference is not a character feature or conscious cynicism. Of course, there can be some anger hidden behind his fear and guilt that he feels. And it might get worse: he might become “indifferent” whenever he feels you are trying to influence and control him, even if it is really an innocent try to interest him.

What to do? First, if you want your partner to care for your feelings and thoughts, care for his, too. Ask your partner what his dream is, what he misses the most, what troubles him, what he thinks about this and that (but not the daily problems). Don’t be surprised if you don’t get an honest or explicit answer- he might be grown out of your true interest in him with no intentions to change him. Second, respect your partner’s freedom to choose and the fact that he is and should be different than you. Third, before criticizing your partner, think: if you put all the requests and reproaches on one plate of the scale, and the appreciation on the other plate, which side would outweigh? It definitely should be the second one.

Would you like to know more? Please visit my blog http://ex-back-advice.blogspot.com/, watch video, and find more tips, advice and answers to your questions about love, broken relationship, magic of making up and much more…

To be continued… Keep in touch.

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