Remember why you started the relationship with the person

Remember why you started the relationship with the person.

Love is never a mistake. Sure we can fall in love for all the wrong reasons but when your heart is broken it is not helpful to spend all this time in regrets and chewing over the hurt and pain and all the mistakes.

I was quite successful in the Amway business with over forty people at a conference when I met Sharryn my former wife. I was called over to her table and introduced by the person who was two above her in the chain of command. She was sweet and very pretty in my opinion and in the conversation she asked me if she could get some personal time with me to chat about the business. I was taken back, there were about seventy people in my business and she was the lowest of the low and a new starter, didn’t she know who I was?

I have to say her brunette hair, her lovely brown eyes and her olive skin pushed me over the line and I agreed to meet up with her the next Saturday.

The next week I was asleep in bed at 2pm in the Afternoon worn out from a morning surf and the phone rang and it was her asking me was I canceling the appointment or was I just running late. I quickly apologized and got in the car within minutes and forty minutes later was having a heart to heart talk with her in her apartment.

Sharryn had spirit. When she set her mind to something she was determined and normally she got what she wanted. I was the focus of what she wanted over the next few weeks and soon I was her boyfriend. I loved this about my Sharryn she was so strong with so much inner fortitude.

I loved what she looked like also.

And we had a strong attraction for a while at least as we had both had some things similar in our past that we shared, some hurtful things.

Today my love for Sharryn is as fresh as it was when I was married. I married the most fascinating pretty girl I had ever had the chance to date.

Guys, you may be in the process of divorce and there is a lot of pain from the fights and the hurt that has gone on, but don’t lose sight of the reason you fell in love with that person in the first place. It will help you forgive them.

Tip 2 Try to walk a few months in their shoes

It helps to try and understand your partner and why they acted toward you the way that they did. I have to say that I am a little lazy and one time Sharryn said to me that she was sick of looking after two children, referring to myself and our young child.

Is that how she felt about me? Was I a drain on her? Was it a one way relationship? Was I looking to her to mother me to cook for me and pick up after me? Was I really acting like a child?

Sharryn and myself had been molested as teenagers and so when I broke up and my sister got the truth of my abuse out of me I turned to books on the subject and did some reading about sexual abuse victims. The more I read, the more I cried and the more I came to love my beloved wife that had left me. She had done her best in our marriage and had simply given up and gone looking elsewhere for a male that was better then me and could offer her more happiness in her life.

By taking some time to remember Sharryn and how she had tried to make our relationship work and taking the time to try and think of how things must have been in her shoes I found the ability to forgive her for all the bad things she did to me through the divorce and custody court case.

Tip 3 Have a good honest look at yourself and where you failed your partner

The last thing we want to look at when our partner has broken our heart and hurt us and left us is where we have gone wrong. But look we must. If we are ever going to have success in a future relationship we have to have an inventory in our life and look at our good points and our faults.

One good way to get feedback when things cool down is to have a chat to your former partner and ask them to list your faults that they did not like. Ask them to be honest and then be very honest with yourself. You will soon find that some of the faults you have are things that you did not like in one of your parents. Armed with this information take the time to cry and then get to work on improving yourself by whatever means you have to employ and get to work at letting your partner off the hook and forgiving them.

One way to know that you have fully forgiven your partner and that you have done some very good work on yourself is that one day you will love your former partner just as much again as when you were together.

I love Sharryn and I pray for her and I am happy she married me, made love to me, made me laugh and gave me a precious child. Though there was some sad times and six hard years for me to finally let go of her in my heart, I praise God that she was part of my life.

Can I pray for you.

Dear Father in heaven.

If this person has read this article it is obvious that they have been hurt. I pray that you lead them to the right friends and the right counselors and the right strangers that might speak into their life during this hurtful time. I pray that you would have their guardian angel speak good things into their mind and they would one day see the wisdom in not fighting with their former partner but find a place in their heart to forgive. I pray that you might touch their heart and heal the pain whether they know you well or not.

In Jesus name I ask


I have written quite a number of articles on different aspects of divorce and you can find them by clicking on the expert author link at the bottom of this article and searching through my hundred odd articles. If you are a spiritual person you might want to read some of my articles on the Christian faith.

May you be better and stronger one day!

Love Matthew

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