The idea of there being one special person in the whole wide world created just for you is incredibly romantic

The idea of there being one special person in the whole wide world created just for you is incredibly romantic. We imagine the wordless communication, the limitless understanding, the unconditional acceptance, and undying support, and know in our very core that somewhere out there, that person is waiting. What’s more, for confirmation we only have to switch on the radio. Every third song from ‘Unchained Melody’ to U2’s ‘One’ is about the true love that’s only possible with a single, perfect, unique individual.

And even though it is a wonderful fantasy to have, we know it’s actually completely realistic to expect that one day you will be with someone who is absolutely right for you – you can have a ‘soul mate’ or your ‘one and only’.

But before you can find true love you need to know the sort of person you’re looking for. So it’s worth spending a few weeks out of the dating loop to reflect on your past successes and failures, and also to develop a very clear picture of what you want in the future. You often hear of business mentors and success coaches talking about the need for businesses to have a five year plan and so on. Well your romantic life is no different. You need to know where you want to be in five, ten, fifteen years from now, and have a good idea of who you’d like to be there with.

But having said that it’s important to be realistic. Here’s what I mean.

I might tell you that nothing less than a fellow like this will do for me:

‘I want a 35 to 39 year old 6’1” lawyer or doctor in private practice, who has his own yacht, plays an instrument, owns a holiday house, travels to France, has nice hair and is good at tennis’.

It’s great to have standards, and so you should. We’re definitely not saying you should even consider dating people who lack qualities you value, or don’t find attractive. The point is that when you set your Dating Criteria, it should be possible for other people to meet it.

So while it’s very clear who I’m after, it’s also clear I’m dreaming. How many single men actually fit the bill?

I must also think about myself too. Am I herself honestly going to be a comfortable match for a man like that? If I happened to be a chain-smoking, high-school dropout with no career ambition and hates going outdoors in the sun, then I’m dreaming. Finding true love is about getting the matching right. You need to meet your own criteria too, or you’re going to be very frustrated, and eventually very lonely.

You’ve probably heard the old one about ‘opposites attract’, but as far as finding true love goes there’s nothing further from the truth. If you’re going to have a relationship that lasts, you need to find a perfect match. The only way to do that is to be yourself, be sensible and be realistic. If you do that you’ll have a much better chance of having great dates with people whose company you’ll enjoy.

So back to me and my quest for true love. I would be much better off broadening my dating criteria to something like this:

I’d like to meet a taller than average man, with a university education, who enjoys music, sports, being on the water and travelling.

These dating criteria are still nice and tight, but it gives me a lot more scope. Who’s to say that a 41 year old 5’11 software designer who surfs and has a fantastic record collection wouldn’t turn out to be the love of my life!

So if you’re looking for love, know what you want, but stay open-minded and flexible, and one day very soon it will appear for you. (And that advice works for more than just finding a date).

Of course there is much to know about getting great first dates and making true love appear for you. For all the answers you need, do yourself a big favor and have a closer look at First Date Magic at: The First Date Magic Website.

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